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ObamaCare Medical Notice

Notice to Employees

A doctor's note will no longer be accepted as proof of illness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

We are no longer allowing workers to have operations. As long as you are employed, you should not have anything removed. We hired you as you are, and surgery would make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. False labors will be categorized as leave without pay.

This will be accepted as an excuse; however, note that we expect two weeks notice. It is your duty to teach someone your job prior to death or, if necessary, afterward.

This new benefit program will be effective 1/1/2014.

The Office of the President of the United States